My Journey From "Or" to "And"

The journey from being a starry-eyed girl to a tough, Phoenix-like, determined woman was far from a bed of roses.

Just out of grad school, with dreams in the heart and absolute naiveté about relationships, roles and life in general, she stepped into the dream-world of marriage with 'the man of her dreams'. Little did she realise that this was a house of cards and the Princess of Hearts was in for a rude shock.

The troubles started as early as two months into the marriage. Arguments, ceaseless fights and cold wars became the order of the day. The Princess was immature but so was the Prince, who was nine years older. The reasons for the tiffs were silly and foolish, but neither realised it. Despite efforts, the situation only worsened each day.

Then came the day when the Princess turned into a Queen, when a sweet little princess was born to her. She loved her to distraction. Being very young herself, the little princess was like a live toy and she took great care to see that the little one had the best of everything.

All the household chores were less dreary and tiresome because she finished them quick so that she’ll get more time to spend with her favourite-st little princess.

She was happy in her own little world, even though the tiffs and cold wars still continued. But after a point, it grew so bad that the little princess refused to go to her father because she sensed the discord and heard him ranting and raving at her mother. The father loved her a lot too but the little one refused to go anywhere near him because she was too scared. He even tried bribes but nothing worked.

By the time the little princess turned two, she started being affected by the ceaseless fights and cold silences between the only two adults she knew. She started becoming withdrawn, remained mostly quiet and was easily startled... even by the sound of her father’s bike.

She refused everybody's company, made no friends in her playschool and clung to her mother all the time. When the mother left her to go to the bathroom, she cried till the door was opened and she was cuddled.
The Queen tried many ways to prevent the quarrels and have a peaceful atmosphere for the little princess to grow up in, but she sadly failed.

That is when the Queen took a decision. No compromises on the physical, mental and emotional development of her little princess. If she wanted her unscarred and healthy, physically, emotionally and mentally, she would have to leave.

The decision, though tough and painful, brought relief to both parties. Maybe they just weren’t meant to be.

The princess and the queen were quite alone, but not lonely because they had other people who loved them.

After a long tough journey, twenty years later, the princess, a thorough all-rounder, earns her living in a good company and supports her mom in every way.

Life has almost come a full circle. The little princess now looks after the physical, emotional and mental well-being of the queen, who still has some fight left in her. Together they make a great team. 

Once upon a time, I had to choose and I chose my daughter, her well-being, her life. From then on, she has been both my “and” and “or”, never making me have to choose between anything else ever again. She AND I.

This post is a part of #UseYourAnd activity at BlogAdda in association with Gillette Venus“

Things That Define Me

I sure cannot and will not be limited by one label.

There are many roles a woman has to play in her lifetime. Some she enjoys and some.... she just performs. We play our roles based on our priorities in life. Right now, my two most important roles are those of a mother and a daughter.

As a mother - helping my teens in their studies, listening to their emotional unloading after school/a hard day at the office, shopping online for the family, chauffeuring them to and from their activities, helping my writer-daughter edit her stories, coaxing my son to study for his board exams, dividing their internet-time with accurate amount of justice, finalising a common breakfast, lunch and dinner menu that everyone is happy with... and so on.. These sometimes-stressful, mostly enjoyable duties are a few things that define my duty as a mother.

As a daughter - sharing my Mom's memories of her childhood and adulthood at the extended breakfast sessions, listening to her rant and rave about her TV serial characters, admiring her just-bloomed precious orchid/color-changing rose etc., being awestruck at her crafting capabilities of turning any waste product into a beautiful, useful thing, discussing news/incidents, lazing on her bed and listening to the family history/geography, relishing her home-baked stuff, serving her meals on time with that extra care to ensure that she will relish them... In her old age, few things can light her eyes up, make her wave her hands around animatedly describing something, and I take it upon myself to do everything that I can to enable that.

Since my only brother and his family are far away in Canada, my role of a sister, much to my chagrin, is limited to listening to his joys and sorrows every weekend on Skype.

Apart from these two main roles, I have a multitude of interests.

I would love to be a part-time volunteer at a social service centre. I would like to spend at least one day a week at a geriatric care unit. I play sports ranging from badminton to tennis, cricket and football.
I would like to give my all to the special children I am working with right now. If I am able to help them be self-reliant, I will consider myself blessed.

I am planning to open a library with the numerous children's books I have so that the children in the colony I live in realise the importance of reading, add to their knowledge and vocabulary. Someday, they might realize what a treasure trove books can be, what an asset cultivating the reading habit is.

I also like to dabble around in the kitchen, mixing this with that, chopping up a storm and creating a recipe for my family to relish. I am passionate about finishing the half-read books on my shelf, downloading those numbers which take me back to a happy childhood and also those which get my feet tapping.

I write. I have written poems; some published, some tucked away in a notebook, some yet to be penned down from my heart. Every day I continue to write new ones.

My days seem to be too short and too full to indulge in every one of my passions, everything that gets me going, gets my heart pumping. And I’d like to think that these are the things that come together, in bits, by pieces, to make me the person I am today. But to try and limit me to just one label? Hmmm... Not possible.

This post is a part of #UseYourAnd activity at BlogAdda in association with Gillette Venus.